Infertility Sucks!

I've been debating about posting our infertility struggle for a while, but i decided now that we have had some success I would. With that being said if any of you know me, there was one thing in this world I didn't  want ( or think i was strong enough to do) was invetro. I watched my sister do it. I watched her husband inject needles into her stomach and when he ran out of room he would give them over bruises etc. It looked so painful and I HATE NEEDLES!!! I also told her it's a good thing it's you and not me. Well I have now learned never say never! I was taught I am a lot stronger then I ever thought I could be! This is going to be a long post considering I have a lot to write about so hopefully you don't get bored. I've been asked by serval people how the process goes, so I'm going to be a little more detailed than needed for those that are curious.

    It all started 4 months after we got married. Kimball knew that all I wanted in this world was to be a mother. After watching my sister struggle for years and knowing that I was a little older (as well as Kimball) that if we were going to have issues it was better we started sooner then later. I must of been doing a really good job because for my birthday I got the greatest gift ever from Kimball... "Lets start our family!" I was so excited. We tried not to stress about getting pregnant but lets be honest secretly i did. After about 5 months of trying and us not getting pregnant, I knew in my gut my biggest fear was coming true. We were going to have a hard time getting pregnant. 

    I gave it the year they tell you to (well just shy of a year) found a new Dr. and made an appointment. My poor Dr did not know what was about to hit him. I came in with a folder of paper work. I brought in my past chart from my old dr., my sisters files of her infertility, a yearly calendar of charting my cycle, and sat down and said "you won't turn me away by saying keep trying!" Lucky for me my Dr was AWESOME and started testing me that day. With in 2 weeks we had made an appointment with a fertility clinic in Sandy and we were on our way.

    December 21st was a first appointment with our fertility clinic and we were told they wanted to do some more testing but I happened to be ovulating that day so our Dr. let us try an IUI that day. (IUI stands for artificial insemination) We were excited but also knew the chances of it working this time were slim considering we weren't totally sure what the problem was. It did not work, but we were able to figure out that we were in the "Unexplainable Infertility category" (meaning there was no specific reason that we should not be getting pregnant.) This was disappointing to me. I felt like if there was a reason I would be able to understand and cope with the fact, but being told "we don't know why you can't get pregnant" is really hard to hear when you see and know the financial part of this process. So with our Dr's advice we continued the following month to do another round of IUI. I was pretty discouraged because I was responding really well to clomid and when you are given the statistics that your body releases one egg per month and I was producing 3-4 on clomid. I wasn't so sure but Kimball had faith that this would work for us. We continued to do this for 5 rounds having each round be more agressive. Each time they added more hormone's and trigger shots ( which trigger ovulation to the hour to maximize chances.) After the 4th time, I called it quits! I felt like after 4 "perfect tries" and it didn't take, it wasn't going to get any better. We were getting ready to move and I did not want to commute to SLC from PHX for IUI's. Our Dr convinced me to try one last time doing the most aggressive round possible and if it didn't work I could start IVF (invetro). So trusting again I started doing the Oral hormone pills and started doing the dreaded shot's (which weren't too bad) we waited the 2 weeks to find out 2 days before moving it was unsucesful. I can't say I was sad at this point... I was mad. 

     If any of you have gone through this, you know they don't give you time to grieve. You take oral medication for 5 days at the beginning. Then you start testing for ovulating or you go in for an ultrasound on day 13 to see how many eggs you have. If all looks good, they tell you to give yourself the trigger shot and schedule you to come in 36 hours later for IUI. IUI doesn't hurt really it's like a normal girl/ Dr check up. Then you wait for 2 of the longest weeks of your life! You take a Pregnancy test or you start and you already know and you start it all over again. The first 2-3 times I cried and cried the night I found out it didn't take I was so hopeful and so ready. I thought for sure I would get the easier of the hard routes of the infertility process. I soon learned that was not in my cards. The last 2 times I was so numb I didn't even feel pain. I was in survival mode. 

    Anyways back to our story. We packed up our house moved to Phx and 2 weeks later I started the IVF process. This whole process to me is amazing and crazy! The Dr does not go off of your bodies schedule, he wants everyone on the same page. So they started me on birth control to trick my body into the cycle he wanted me on.  For 5 month's I've been pumping my body full of hormones to stop them! Yep that's how it works! Anyway on May 16th is when I flew in for my first appointment to make sure everything looked ok to start the injections. I was cleared to go, got back on a plane that day ( thank you hunny for the flight benefits)  started my injections that night! As for the injections, they hurt a little but they weren't too bad. However the hardest part for me was mixing the drugs. They had me draw up a certain amount of one drug put it in a sterile bottle, draw up another one, mix the 2 together and then draw the mixture back up into a different needle all to switch the needle size and then I could finally inject. It was nerve racking because there was no one there to tell you that you were doing it right. I was just hoping that I had listened carefully :\  They had me on a drug called Gonal F (this drug helped develop the eggs) and a HGC (pregnancy hormone). I did this every night for 9 days. In the mean time my mom and I made the drive to Utah because starting on Monday the 20th I had Dr appointments every other day. These appointments consisted of blood draws and ultrasounds to see how I was responding to the meds and how well my eggs were growing. I was responding really well, so well that every day I would get a phone call from my nurse telling me to lower my dose. Finally on Sat the 25th I got the call of saying I was a day ahead of schedule and they wanted to take me earlier so to plan on monday for an egg retrival. I was nervous for the Egg retrieval. I had heard mixed things about the pain. I went in Monday morning got all dressed in my gown and the next thing I know they were ready for me and I'm walking myself into the operating room. Before I knew it I was trying to open my eyes and Kimball's smiling face was greeting me. They ended up getting 10 mature eggs from me. Recovery wasn't too bad. I was tired and extremely bloated but that was all. We were told to be prepared for what they call a day 3 transfer. This means they let the egg grow for 3 days and see how well it's developing. We got a phone call on day 3 saying that 8 fertilized but they didn't know which ones were the best so they wanted to wait 2 more days. We woke up Saturday morning ready to be pregnant. How weird is that!!! I got pregnant with 5 people in the room ha!!! Anyway we met with our Dr and he had really good news for us. He told us that we had a 4AA grade egg which is something they rarely see (as far as it's perfect) and a 3BB (like a B+) He asked us with these results were we sure we wanted to still transfer 2 eggs? Kimball and I both looked at each other and said YES! He told us the statistics of twins and we nodded and said "bring it on" (after all we had been through the more the merrier at this rate) We got to watch the whole thing on a TV screen and then we were on our way back to PHX to have the 2 week waiting period again. But this time it was all worth it! We flew in to SLC on June 13th for blood work to tell us if we were PG. I was a nervous reck to say the least. I got there and it was the worst blood draw yet! The lady couldn't get the vein I guess and decided to stick the ENTIRE needle in and the twist to get the vein! My arm was dead! We grabbed a quick lunch and then headed to the Airport to fly back to PHX and wait for a phone call. I was trying everything not to throw up. 20 min before we boarded the plane my phone rang. I was so nervous and to have to answer that phone call in the airport was even worse! LUCKY for us, my nurse was so excited and told us it was POSITIVE! They said they like to see at least a 100+ on the HCG and I was at 889! I started crying, kissed my husband,  looked around and watched the people staring at us. I started making phone calls to family members! In the mean time, I was also texting everyone I knew that had twins asking what their numbers were. Then the panic started settling in as most of the numbers were coming back to me in the 600's I started thinking "oh crap it's triplets."  Luckily my fertility clinic does an ultrasound at 5 weeks to see how many were there. So I flew back in to SLC for that. Kimball was working so my mom came with me. The Dr. started the ultrasound and right away we saw my baby! It was so cool finally seeing something there (even if it was just the sack) it was proof that my time, tears,money, and patience had paid off. I would be lying if I didn't say I was extremely shocked that their was only one. But after a min. he decided to look around and turned the ultrasound to the left.  There it was my 2nd baby! The biggest grin and tear fell from my eyes. The Dr said "oh no what did we do here is number 2" and I said I could not be happier! Having 2 sets of twins in the family and my husband being a twin I felt like it was more then meant to be! I sent out a picture to all our family of two onesies that said "Buy one" "get one free". I could not be more excited to welcome these 2 miracle babies into our lives. We have tried and wanted you for so long and know you are meant to be with us. You were worth EVERY tear, heartache, fight, penny, stress, pain, swollen belly, hormones, poke and everything else we went through to get you here and if we had to do it over again I know we would in a heart beat! WE LOVE YOU BABIES! 

(on a side note we were able to , one so we still have one 6 day old baby waiting to join our family but we think they will be waiting a couple more years :) you have to give me time to get use to 2 first before adding another :) 

Here are some pictures to document our process! 

Our first try at IUI

2nd try of IUI

3rd try I was by myself super romantic huh! 

4th time IUI

We thought it was only right that we show how we do it to get pregnant I sit there and

Kimball play's on his phone :)

 It's kind of hard to tell in this photo but I was showing my bruises and red marks from shots 

Bleeding :)

 5th try of IUI

The start of the IVF injections

My mom helping me give the shots! 

( I should have mentioned I have so many people to thank! My mom, brother in law, neighbor, sister and husband all helped give me shots thank you for helping us start our family! ) 

All the process of mixing meds 

 My meds and needles 

 This was what 4 days worth of shots looked like

 The start of the every other day Dr appointments 

 Oh our way home from the egg retrieval I was trying to act alert :)

 Implanting day :)

Seeing our babies for the first time :) 

The onesies I sent out